Cant Sleep

I havent heard from David today. He told me last night he would call this morning and he didnt and then he usually always calls every night at ten and he didnt call again. This usually means that someone has been killed and they have turned off all communications til the families are notified. Knowing that I am always on edge when I dont hear from him. I cant sleep and I cant concentrate on anything but him calling. Its like I cant breathe until I hear his voice again. Hopefully he will call tomorrow or at least I will get an e-mail from the family readiness leader confirming something has happened so I know he will at least call soon. I hate getting those e-mails. I always hold my breath hoping its not someone that we know and are close to. Its hard knowing that all these men are dying and...... ok he just called, I can breath again but he had bad news. A guy he worked with was killed. The sad part is that David was the one who was trying to save him and he died. I hate that David has to see these things all the time. This has not been a good deployment compared to the last. He only saw one really bad thing last time that I know of, and this time it just seems so much worse. I could not hold it in on the phone. I cried for this soldiers wife and what she must be going through right now. I think I have met him before, but Im not 100% sure. Well I think I should try to get some sleep now. I was supossed to go to a funeral tomorrow. Not someone I personally knew so I dont know if I am going to go or not. I dont know if I am ready emotionally to go to a funeral right now. I may just spend the day with my grandparents and my girls instead. I will decide in the morning. Well goodnight to all of you! Sorry for all the emotional stuff tonight. I just need to get it out sometimes and this blog really seems to help with that.